I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didn't notice because vodka
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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