my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Watching her eat just hurts me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
