so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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