So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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