Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
