She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
