Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
