i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize