i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
