i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
