I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
