he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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