It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize