we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
