I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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