Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
