we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
