What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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