and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
