Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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