i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
