im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
