So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
