why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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