I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
