How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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