why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
