shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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