I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
