omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
