listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
