Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
