and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
