i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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