Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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