She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You can't special order awesome
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
