I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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