No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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