I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
