Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize