We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
