I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
bring money and cleavage
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
