I just cut my nipple shaving
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
