She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
