Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
