Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
