don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
