Sry I called you an 8
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
