I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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