How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
