have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
