Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
