onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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