I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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