Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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