K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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