she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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