I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
