Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize