I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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