so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
