I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
