Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
