Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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