he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my shit smells like andre
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
did you just send me my own nude
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
