dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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