Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
