I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
