man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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