1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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