guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
