I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
