But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
