I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize