just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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