Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
