i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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