I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
