Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize