Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
