So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
