I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
