Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
