What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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