You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
