I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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