He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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