I wanna bring you to show and tell
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
