i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's shark week go big or go home
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
