i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
