Screwed.edu
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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