getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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