I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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