The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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