the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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