its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
