I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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