whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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