Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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