so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
