left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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