dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
