how can u be prego again
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
