I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
