Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize