found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
