He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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