Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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