i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
