wakey wakey hands off snakey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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