I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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