She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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