you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
